


Gaining Respect is Hard

by E_J_Morgan



Series: Q-niverse AU [4]
Category: James Bond (Craig movies)
Genre: Gen, Humor, Teenage!Q
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-20
Updated: 2016-09-20
Packaged: 2018-08-16 09:23:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8096683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/E_J_Morgan/pseuds/E_J_Morgan
Summary: Q-niverse AU - Having just been made Quartermaster, Benedict is prepared for a long way to go before people will come to terms with a 16-year-old branch leader. But this is not how he imagined his first meeting with Double-O agents to be...





	

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place right after female-M has made Benedict the Quartermaster. Old Boothroyd and R had already retired but the explosion hasn't happened yet and the other original Q-Branch employees are still working there. (See the story 'Normal is Overrated' for details on that.) Also, James Bond is still 'dead' and the Skyfall-difficulties are just beginning for everyone.

**ATTENTION TO ALL FELLOW 00 AGENTS!**

 

 

_As you may all have heard by now: since last week, we have a new Quartermaster. As unheard of as it is, the new ‘Master of Weapons’ is a 16-year-old boy with way too much hair who is rumored to have been old Boothroyd’s apprentice for quite some time but of whom nobody seems to have known before. We haven’t had the opportunity to meet him yet but it will shortly be inevitable – sooner or later one or more of us will have to head out for a mission after all._

_Now, since we’ll have to work with him in the future and since – if we assume correctly – none of us has ever had any experience with children, 002 and myself (009) took the liberty to look up some facts about how to handle teenagers and what to expect from them on the long run._

_Our results are quite frightening to tell you the truth and we would strongly advise all of you to take our below listed warnings and precautions to heart when dealing with him to avoid any unnecessary tragedies, such as a temper tantrum we’re surely not prepared to deal with. Really, if you think you have already seen the worst in the field and nothing can faze you: think again!_

_So, first of all: teenage boys of 16 years of age are absolutely not supposed to be as tiny and thin as he is (see attached photo from the CCTV in Q-Branch we managed to snatch just yesterday, risking our lives while doing it I might add), hence it is possible he’s even younger than they say he is. Either that or he is severely malnourished which could cause even more trouble. Anyway, he is absolutely not fit enough to be working with dangerous weaponry and heavy equipment and so he will need our help whenever it’s possible. Please, all of you do try to take time in between missions to seek him out and ask if you can help him in any way. We don’t want accidents. Also, if anyone can confirm or deny our findings about healthy weight of teenagers, please, report it to us. Our sources may not be a 100% reliable. Further investigation is needed in that matter._

_Secondly, all sources agree on one thing: teenagers can be very-very difficult to deal with. They’re rebellious, wild, extreme and moody. They want independency but all the while they need security and caring. One minute they will scream at you to just ‘piss off’ (= ‘leave them alone’ in teenage language), just to come to you for help and understanding in the next as if nothing had happened. We really don’t understand how this contradiction can be possible but apparently: with teenagers, everything and also the contrary of it is to be expected. So, buddies: patience, patience, patience! And don’t forget: he is still the Quartermaster, our license to kill doesn’t apply to him._

_Some websites advise to always expect the worst from teenagers so that when they have a good day and don’t send you to hell first thing in the morning instead of a greeting, you can be pleasantly surprised and when they do actually literally shove you out of the way, you won’t be disappointed. Maybe it could be a good idea to start seeking him out a few days before mission is due to make sure we’ll have time to catch him in a good mood or else it is possible we won’t be getting anything for our assignment if he happens to have a bad day._

_Teens are said to be mostly overly emotional. So, don’t be surprised if he will burst out in tears while outfitting you with an exploding pen and please do try to be on alert in case he were to drop it while trying to wipe his eyes instead of concentrating on the task. Especially since apparently, the also have concentration issues. Allegedly, their brain isn’t fully developed yet to an adult level so they may start acting like children out of blue. Don’t any of you dare show surprise or comment on it when that happens! It could be our downfall: he has a lot of available guns at hand after all._

_Never ever ask how he is dealing with all the other Q-Branch employees! First: I heard old R has resigned as soon as he found out who would be the next Quartermaster, so the boy now has nobody to turn to for advice. Secondly, I’m not sure other co-workers are fond of being commanded by a child and may give him a hard time about it. Don’t anger him by mentioning any of this!_

_Now, we send this e-mail to all of you in a secure way; please read it, remember it and the most important thing: destroy it before anyone else could see it! We do not, I repeat: NOT want him to know about this message!_

_Regards;_

_002, 009_

 

_PS.: We might be able to get on his good side by talking about recent computer games and comics. We strongly advise to expand your knowledge about these things before confronting him._

 

The newly named Q finished reading out loud (actually rather passionately acting out some of the more offending lines as if he had been presenting precious poetry instead of a rather insulting character study about himself – it had sure made his audience flinch at certain places) and looked up at the quivering Double-Os with cold green eyes that could turn the Earth’s inner core into solid ice in mere seconds.

 

All of them stood totally still in front of him with remorse on their faces, looking anywhere but at the boy that was half their size in every direction but seemed to possess the ability to radiate pure anger and resentment without uttering a single word – a talent they had thought until now to be exclusively owned by M.

 

“So…” – He began finally in a dangerously low tone, after a very long and uncomfortable silence. – “I am, in your opinion… hm… let’s see… ‘severely malnourished’ and in need of your help in handling gadgets, for fear I would not be able to lift them or because I could accidentally drop them trying to… what was it again? Oh, yes. ‘wipe my eyes’ when I was crying?”

 

Every agent tried to disappear into the nearest wall to escape the boy’s wrath.

 

“And I’m also prone to temper tantrums and similar kind of emotional outbursts? Well?”

 

The agent fidgeted uncomfortably. They just realized they actually didn’t know anything about the boy so automatically presuming he would be a drama queen or everything else the letter was about might have been just a little bit out of line…

 

Eventually 002 decided to try to right things and stepped forward with his hand extended towards the boy to introduce himself properly. None of them had met the boy before that incident after all, so he wouldn’t even know who he was dealing with, which was unfair to say the least.

 

“Sir, I am Sa---“

 

“Samuel Johnson, 002. Yes, I know very well who you are. This little piece of rubbish that’s a waste of good paper originates from you and him there” – He totally ignored the outstretched hand and pointed directly at 009 who nearly fell over his own two feet trying to take cover behind 003. – “Peter Smith, it won’t do you any good hiding behind Mason. He’s much smaller than you are, anyway.”

 

That was true, Jack Mason, 003, couldn’t have hidden Smith even if he had wanted to – which he admittedly didn’t. Actually, he pushed his guilty colleague out from behind himself towards to boy, smiling angelically at him, boldly demonstrating his innocence.

 

“I despise sneaks, 003.” – That dismissing statement wiped the smile quickly from the agent’s face. – “And you all also seem to think I could turn out to be some rebellious and wild freak, wreaking havoc in here and---”

 

“Ahm… no… Quartermaster, really, we don’t think that, it was just 002 and 009 who wrote it and sent it to us, we never agreed---“

 

“Traitor!” – Shouted 002 offended.

 

“Well, that’s the truth, Sam, don’t get us into trouble, just because the two of you---“

 

“Enough!” – Q didn’t have to shout. His lowest voice seemed to carry through the room like lightning, striking just at the right place where the agents were rounding on each other. – “As I said: I don’t like turncoats, Hamilton. Neither do I want to have cowards in our ranks, Rodriguez, so stop that incessant shivering. It that clear?”

 

There was a resounding ‘yes, sir’ at that from everyone present, while Naban Hamilton, 004 had a decency to look ashamed of himself and lowered his gaze with burning red cheeks. Tiago’s shivering somewhat lessened, though it didn’t fully disappear.

 

“You’re all in it together and I actually absolutely don’t care who agreed to this bullshit and who didn’t. You’re a team. You’re supposed to stand together in a life and death situation. How can I trust you to have each other’s backs out in the field when you can’t even join forces while standing in front of me in HQ?”

 

“We’re sorry, Quartermaster.” – Said 008 and the others nodded.

 

“So, let’s just state that all of you are equally as guilty in my eyes of spreading absolutely unfounded rumors about me – in a very pathetically childish way at that –, with the exception of 006 who is until next month undercover in Germany so he couldn’t know anything about it, and 007 who is MIA at the moment…”

 

“Ahm… sir… I don’t know how to tell you this, but… Well, 007, James Bond that is, is dead. I’m sorry if you haven’t known…” – 001 actually tried to break the news in a comforting manner to him instead of mocking him about ‘lack of knowledge’ or something, so maybe there was still hope they wouldn’t fully hate and disregard him just because of his age?

 

“Gibberish, Dawson, he just has enough of a common sense not to come and anger me right on my first week, that’s all.” – And he really was sure of that and not even their unbelieving looks and sadly shaking heads could change his mind. Well, at least they were humoring him and not arguing about it… That was something. – “Now. I know it’s untraditional for a teenager to be a branch head. I also know it’s because of me we haven’t had the opportunity to meet before so I don’t fault you for curiosity. I’m sorry for not introducing myself to you all right away but things have been very hectic here this last week. Especially – as you surprisingly correctly stated – R really had left and I am without anyone to substitute me in any matter for the time being. I wasn’t the reason for his leaving though.”

 

“We understand. And we’re really sorry about our behavior: it was uncalled for and absolutely unprofessional.” – Stated 005.

 

“Well, all right, it doesn’t matter anymore, Fleming. But just for the record: I don’t have problems with any Q-Branch employees. I have been working and practically living with them for the last four years. So, I of course know everything about all of you, you, on the other hand don’t know me at all: I am really 16 years old; yes, Smith, there’s no need to look that skeptical; and I am NOT malnourished. I am also strong enough to lift any heavy objects I have to deal with on a daily basis and I am a fair shot so no, Mason, I will not accidentally shoot someone or myself when I’m building weapons; please, stop trying to take cover. I have a few ideas about reorganizing the work here in Q-Branch and I’m planning on making your missions as safe for you all as possible. I will not lose any of you and I will not have you risking your lives unnecessarily. Things are going to change around here and I think you might even welcome some these developments. I can’t tell you more about it for now though.”

 

The agents just watched him rant, trying to comprehend everything they had been told. So the boy really had an idea what he was doing and even had plans to change some things? Not something they had expected from a mere child.

 

Also, despite having worked here for years as he had claimed, he didn’t seem aware of the fact that Quartermasters didn’t possess any kind of authority to take care of agents or even do anything for them except for giving them their equipment before missions and taking it back from them (well, all that remained of it, that is, so mostly nothing…) afterwards. He didn’t seem to realize that agents were just objects – living weapons – to be sacrificed for the Greater Good, for Queen and Country… For anything, really. He was talking to them as if they were real persons with rights and with a life to be cherished and valued. Oh, he would be so bitterly disappointed… The poor child was still so naïve to think he could make a change! It was a pity, he looked like a good kid, he really didn’t deserve to be eaten alive by MI6 and ruined by the harsh reality…

 

They all mentally promised to look out for him and make sure he remained so sweetly innocent for as long as possible.

 

“And what’s your name, Quartermaster, what may we call you?” – Tried to lighten the mood 004.

 

“Quartermaster or simply Q will do just fine, Hamilton.”

 

“Well, I meant---“

 

“I know very well what you meant.”

 

“Oooookay…” – No hope of trying to find out anything about the child then…

 

“Oh, and no; I am NOT going to cut my hair! It’s absolutely useless, anyway: it will just grow back in a few weeks. Trust me: I’ve tried. So, you’ll have to put up with my ‘way too much hair’, thank you very much!” – The boy finished, apparently running out of topics to address.

 

“Oh, right. Don’t worry Quartermaster, your hair is cute the way it is---“

 

“It is certainly not CUTE, Fleming!”

 

“Right… Ahm… I said cute? How inconsiderate of me… What I meant was in reality _manly_. Yes. It’s very manly.” – Surely, that was what kids wanted to hear these days, wasn’t it?

 

“Manly?” – The disbelief on the boy’s face told them they hadn’t guessed right. Damn. – “It’s just hair, agent. It’s not supposed to look anything.”

 

“Of course. You’re right. Well, we should be going then?” – Asked 005 loudly clapping his hands together, looking at the others for help.

 

They were all glad to take the opportunity.

 

“Yes, yes, it’s a good idea; we wouldn’t want to bother you any longer, sir.” – Nodded 001 in complete agreement and with that, all Double-Os started to quickly (but not TOO quickly because Double-O agents never fled from anyone, let alone a tiny teenager) file out of the room.

 

When the last agent (004) had just stepped over the threshold, he felt something collide with his head from behind. He looked back: it was the crumpled piece of paper that had caused them so much trouble. The boy inside the room looked murderously at them again.

 

“And I am NOT MOODY!”

 

The agents suddenly forgot all about the ‘never running’ rule and left so quickly that all the present MI6 employees gaped unbelievingly after them, some even taking out their mobile phones to snap pictures.

 

**Q – Q – Q – Q – Q – Q – Q – Q – Q – Q**

 

They ran all the way to their own recreation room. As soon as they arrived, they firmly shut the door behind themselves and all of them collapsed tiredly on the couch, in the armchairs or some even on the floor.

 

“You know, guys, I just had an idea.” – Began 003 when he had finally managed to catch his breath again. – “If what that boy says is true and Bond is really alive somewhere out there, then I very much would like to see their first meeting. This child may just be the only person beside M who’ll be able to make even the famous 007 quiver in fear!”


End file.
